Fellow Christians, I'm pleased to report that we're beginning to have some idea of how many poor foreign people the Lord God Jehovah has righteously slain by burying them under countless tons of fermenting garbage and toxic sludge:
The death toll from a landslide at a mountainside rubbish dump in West Java province has increased to 136, while 47 people are still missing, an official said Tuesday (22/2/05). Triggered by heavy rains, the landslide occurred at about 2am Monday, sending tons of hazardous waste and mud onto the hamlets of Cilimus and Cireundeu in Leuwigajah village, outside Cimahi town.Experts are divided on the meaning of this dreadful new warning to a sinful world. While the worship of false gods is endemic in the region, the similarity of this judgment to the deadly landslides that recently struck Southern California suggests that the specific cause for this awe-inspiring example of divine wrath is more likely to be sexual immorality, anti-Americanism, or some combination of the two.
"That would be the most charitable explanation," said Rev. Billy Hovis, Pastor of the Free Presbyterian Church of Crippleback, Missouri. "But as in the Los Angeles disaster, the possibility of divine vengeance against witchcraft or bestiality is very real."
In other news, the Lord God Jehovah has abundantly blessed Shirley Applebee of Green River, Wyoming, a Bible-believing mother of nine who learned on Tuesday that her car hadn't blown a head gasket after all. "God heard my prayers," she said. "And I couldn't be happier."