Friday, March 25, 2005

Vox Populi

I often miss living in New York, particularly in the spring. Fortunately, thanks to Overheard In New York, I can pretend that it's me overhearing edifying conversations like this one, which apparently took place in February outside a market in Bensonhurst, when a hapless Russian man made the mistake of blocking the doorway:

American woman: Excuse me.
Russian man: I'm picking my lemons.
American woman: Whadya want us all to do, play leapfrog over you? Move it please.
Russian man: You're stupid.
American woman: Stupid? I got one word for you. Chernobyl! How's that for stupid? Bet you were working there, you fucking asshole. Now move it, you fuckin' retard!
It's not just dilatory Russian lemon-pickers who are driving New Yorkers into Vesuvian outbursts of profanity. An Angry Guy from Borough Park was recently overheard delivering this amazing piece of denial and denunciation:
Fuck New England. Fuck people from Boston. Fuck Pats fans, fuck Red Sox fans, fuck Ben Affleck, fuck Denis Leary, fuck Harvard, fuck MIT, fuck Aerosmith, fuck the Pixies, fuck David Foster Wallace, fuck Boston Cream pie and clam chowder and Sam Adams, fuck Dr. Spock, fuck pahking your cah in Hahvahd Yahd, fuck Sacco and Vanzetti, fuck Paul Revere, fuck 'em all.
You can spend hours on this site very easily. And you'd probably better, just in case a friendly New Yorker suggests a trip to "Germany," or offers you "the Golden Ticket to the chocolate factory."


ntodd said...

That's too f'ing fun!

Cervantes said...

As a Bostonian, I agree with "Fuck Harvard." Otherwise I would be offended except that I already know that New Yorkers are crass, loud, pushy, obnoxious, and inconsiderate. Except for my sister of course, and her boyfriend. But they're the only exceptions I can think of offhand.

Phila said...

Why, wouldn't be implying anything, would you?

A word in my defense, if so: I'm really quite soft-spoken. I almost never use caps for emphasis.

NYMary said...

Well, that Rossian guy shouldn't have been in Mother Thersites' way!

Eli said...


I am sooo homesick now.

@whut said...

Here's one concerning recent immigrants from the Baltic. A relative of mine took them to the grocery store. As the Black inner-city yute were bagging the goods they had finished purchasing, one of the Balts got all excited and yelled "Hey! They're stealing our food!"

Anonymous said...

I miss living in New York too, and I have never lived there. But I love it and visit as often as I can. New Yorkers can be very nice and helpful, as I can witness to many times as I stood bewildered in a subway station, and New Yorkers volunteered help with directions.