Saturday, February 12, 2005

BoBo In Purgatory

A dark cloud has crept across the face of that kindly sun whose honeyed light warms the verdant and undulant fields of BoBo's World, and this has driven the great man to an Agonizing Reappraisal:

There comes a time in any man's life when he realizes that he is an insignificant speck of dust careering aimlessly through the cosmic woof of time.
There ought to come a time in Brooks' life when he realizes that he writes some of the most abominable prose in the debased demimonde of American print journalism. This sentence is straight out of a stoned teenager's first stab at writing a science-fiction novel...though I admit that it does take a special sort of genius to divine the difference between significant and insignificant specks of dust.

What's eating Brooks, you ask? Why, nothing more nor less than the fact that he's not enough of a "playa" to get good baseball seats:
I have dreamed of sitting just behind the dugout with cadres of high-cheekbone Protestant "machers," sharing in the jollity that prevails when self-important people get together in circumstances that confirm their own self-importance, laughing at jokes no one bothered to tell, suppressing our motorcade-envy long enough to swap tidbits with Condi and Karl.
Brooks' jocular tone, and his effete raillery against "self-importance," can't hide the fact that being accepted as an equal by the Kool Kids is exactly what he's been dreaming of ever since he was old enough to understand that real men don't eat quiche. That's precisely what makes him the sniveling, cringing, lickspittle toady he is.
This is an age in which it is immoral to discriminate according to race or sex...
Actually, David, it's immoral to discriminate according to race or sex in all ages. After all, we're not moral relativists, are we?
We have worked up so many subtle gradations based on occupational status that if the characters from Edith Wharton novels could come to earth, they'd be so put off by our social stratifications they'd probably turn into Bolsheviks.
Jeez, BoBo...don't you know that literary allusion is a blue-state affectation? No wonder you don't get to hang with Karl and the gang. They don't have time for that Frenchified, sissy-boy chin music...they're busy blowing up frogs with firecrackers!

I love the idea, too, that Brooks is attempting to frighten us with the prospective disapprobation of this gaggle of recherché fictional characters. I wonder what Melmoth the Wanderer would think about social stratification among hack journalists? And what about Dr. Benjulia, the evil genius in Wilkie Collins' Heart and Science? Surely his stony heart would be moved to pity by the sad plight of David Brooks?
And what about us journalists? The beauty of Washington is that we have created the illusion that journalists are as important as the people we cover. It may be secretly true that we media types are actually like those haute couture sales clerks who think they have the right to be snooty because they once sold a thong to Courtney Cox.
It's not "secretly true"; it's Sunday-sure and pikestaff-plain to anyone with the intelligence of an axolotl. Strip away all the false humility from this passage, and Brooks is saying little more than "I degraded myself unconscionably for social gain, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

Brooks' meandering j'accuse ends on a note of Jovian, but tightly controlled, wrath:
The V.I.P.'s must be taken care of, as they are in any other circumstance.
That's right, BoBo. And despite today's fit of infantile pique, you'll be wearing out your lyin' tongue on their boots in a matter of days. And you'll undoubedly still be wondering why a man who so reliably falls on his knees before mere power can't get any respect.

9 comments:

AJ said...

Now *that's* refreshment!

To further the recherché literary allusions -- a copy of the Encyclopedia Galactica which fell through a time warp from the far future listed Bobo and his fellow apologist-columnists as "the first against the wall when the revolution came."

On another note, Focus on The Family Canada are now taking out full-page ads in newspapers here, pretending to be reasonable people with a difference of opinion, and urging people to write to their MPs.

Well, I am going to write to my MP - and tell her not to be cowed by the antediluvians.

Thersites said...

Bobo is a fucking moron. What's insufferable is that he no better nor no worse than those wingnut bloggers I was dismembering the other day. He's just more coddled in his hackery.

His season tickets are middling fair? That's his beef? Come here bobo until I give you a good puinch in the gob, you wanker.

Northwestern Economist said...

This was fantastic!

Aquaria said...

And they call liberals divorced from reality?

Hello, Bobo! You're being used by those people whose cocks you suck so hard, night and day. They don't care about you, only that you write what they want you to write. You're a whore. You're only marginally better, morally, than the pimps who sell you and get as much free ass as they want off you.

Or, to quote Jim Hightower:

When I entered politics, I took the only downward turn you could take from journalism.

TRES CEE said...

In this age the Media and Journalists believe the Lies that they tell when the Morality has always been truly determined not by Journalists but by the People, and when ever the Journalists have determined that they or a single Vain or Head Strong willed person calling himeself a moral person thus determines to force his Values on the Population and in his arrogance decides that some vain philosophy opposing values of Society, which he determines is not just or moral according to his standards then either bands together with other rebels to change the morality of society and makes an impact according to his standard of morality.

The truth is that it is not true in every society and in every age that discrimination is improper moraly, and in fact in the Beginning of Christianity, Discriminatioheyn was a strong moral value, and in fact in the Oldest of Religions the Hebrew Faith, according to Scriptures, the Concept of Morality was in fact a primary requirement of Obedience to God, and was inforced Ridgidly by Abraham's children, Isaac against Esau for his Rebellius act of marrying a Woman without relation to Abraham's Tribe, and Paul said of the Cretans, that it is said, that they are Greedy, slothfull and their god is their belly, and therefore advising Timothy to Rebuke them Sharply, so actually so called discrimination is anti Christian and anti Hebrew, according to the MOst ancient Writers and Holy Scriptures.

echidne said...

Bravo!!!! (Claps scaley hands really hard.)

bellatrys said...

Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but

a) don't you like, have to rent those boxes, and aren't they like, wicked expensive, which is why usually the VIPs are also CEOs, or the boxes are rented by corporations for company use - at least, that's how it seems to work in Boston,

and

b) isn't it pathetic for someone who already is a successful Jewish author, and one of a select few writers nationwide to attain the NYT editorial page, to publicly be craving for acceptance by bigoted old-money WASPs, the Cabot-Lodge crowd and their cousins and inlaws?

I mean, first off, it's not like it's going to happen, and besides, who *cares* if a bunch of corrupt racist plutocrats like you or not? It reminds me of the time I saw someone who had built up a respectable business honestly fall all over themselves fawning at the prospect of being "recognized" by a corrupt billionaire. It was scary and pathetic.

bellatrys said...

These are after all the same people who back in Ye Good Old Dayes of the Gilded Age, didn't think that Catholic Poles and Serbs were white enough to be allowed into this fair country. Screw 'em, and their opinions too.

(And for all his bleats about gender issues it's not like *I* could walk in and demand a Skybox seat because I'm XX - security would be on their walkie-talkies wondering who let this crazy lady up here.)

Though this does confirm that Bobo really is dumber 'n a bag of hammers, if he really thought the PTB liked him for his willing service to their cause.

He doesn't recognize that he's just a court eunuch in Byzantium, a valued slave, but a slave nevertheless...

three dots said...

Thanks, Philalethes. As a takedown, that's downright musical.