Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Chicken Little's Right-Wing Man

As usual, things are looking less than rosy over at Alan Caruba's National Anxiety Center, that aggressively cheerful site where "The good news is...the bad news is wrong!"

Caruba's self-defeating motto comes as a real relief this time around, because in between mocking "scaremongers" and "anxiety peddlers" and "Chicken Littles," Caruba informs us that things are desperately awful, and our very lives hang by the most tenuous of threads. Ever the cockeyed optimist, Caruba points out that no matter what President Bush tells us, bringing democracy to the Middle East won't save us or our children from a brutal death at the hands of heathen fanatics:

[M]any Americans still want to believe that Islamists, the extreme Muslims characterized by the Taliban and al Qaeda, are just a minority of greater Islam. The wish that, once isolated and destroyed, we will be embraced by those to whom we have brought freedom and democracy, ignores the long history of Islam's quest for world domination....Arab Muslims kill each other and anyone else with impunity to insure Jihad succeeds. Why would we ever think they would not want to continue to kill us as well?
Sounds bad, alright. But as Caruba points out elsewhere, if the Muslims want to destroy us, they'll have to get in line:
The Greens and the Animal Rights groups use every protection afforded by the Constitution and every loophole in our legal and IRS codes to pursue their war on capitalism, property rights, and the welfare of this nation. They are a Socialist Taliban....While our attention is focused on the threat of the global Islamic Jihad, we also have to keep an eye on these groups.
Not crippled by anxiety yet? That's because you don't understand the UN's diabolical plan for global tyranny:
[T]his global octopus will spread its tentacles of power to impose global taxes....We will end up paying for our own enslavement.
We will, that is, if we live long enough. After all, liberal elites are trying to depopulate the earth:
Efforts to leave millions vulnerable to diseases can be seen in the US and UN-based attacks on the use of pesticides that contribute directly to the needless deaths of millions from Malaria and other insect and rodent-borne diseases.
Education could help, if it weren't in a state of socialist-inflicted crisis:
The present educational system does not effectively and successfully teach children to read or write well. It does not teach history or civics well. Pocket calculators have replaced the learned ability to compute anything in any way. It requires large numbers of those children to be medicated with mind-altering drugs.
Believe it or not, despite all this paranoia and scaremongering, Caruba really does think that the name "National Anxiety Center" is a humorously ironic reproach to this nation's prophets of doom.

(Note: If you want the links, you can get 'em through Google.)

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