In Muslim Eyes

Previously, those of us whose opinions count were horrified to learn that Barack Hussein Obama is a secret Muslim, whose very first act of office will be to lop off our heads and wallow in our gore.

Since then, we've found out that he's actually a Christian, but a Christian of entirely the wrong sort; he believes in "black liberation theology," which, as any idiot can tell from the name, is an amalgam of Marx and Farrakhan (and is therefore Islamofascist).

Then again, maybe the real problem with Obama is that he's not very religious at all, as Star Parker suggests:

Religion for Senator Obama is not something too serious. It may satisfy some social needs and provide intellectual and emotional salve. But it doesn't translate into behavioral absolutes.

Shocking news, especially for the portion of Parker's readership that thinks Obama's a Muslim fanatic as well as an obdurate baby-killer.

But that's nothing compared to an exciting new theory from Edward Luttwak, who claims that if Obama really has turned against Islam, and is somehow elected, it'll annoy the Evildoers (and not in a good way, like torturing and killing their families would):

His conversion...was a crime in Muslim eyes; it is “irtidad” or “ridda,” usually translated from the Arabic as “apostasy,” but with connotations of rebellion and treason. Indeed, it is the worst of all crimes that a Muslim can commit, worse than murder (which the victim’s family may choose to forgive).

In Muslim eyes, mind you; we mustn't paint with too fine a brush, given what's at stake here. Currently, the relationship between the Leader of the Free World and the forces of Islamofascism is one of bemused tolerance; an apostate president could change that equation faster than Jonah Goldberg can drink a tin of Van Camp's Beanee Weenee.

[M]ost citizens of the Islamic world would be horrified by the fact of Senator Obama’s conversion to Christianity once it became widely known — as it would, no doubt, should he win the White House. This would compromise the ability of governments in Muslim nations to cooperate with the United States in the fight against terrorism, as well as American efforts to export democracy and human rights abroad.

Well, that clinches it. Clearly, President Obama's "apostasy" will inaugurate a new era of Islamic anger and mistrust (oh noes!!!1). Adding insult to injury, this will "complicate the security planning of state visits by President Obama to Muslim countries," because there's a good chance that some fanatic will see killing him as a path to glory.

John McCain, by contrast, will wander the Muslim world at his leisure, while sloe-eyed natives ply him obsequiously with sweet tea and dates. It's your choice, Mr. and Mrs. America: You can have president who'll be able to swagger through Syria's Souk Medhat Pasha in a t-shirt reading "Kiss me, I'm American," or you can explain to your children why those bearded men on TV are playing kickball with Obama's head.

I'm being somewhat unfair to Luttwak, who would never dream of phrasing things that way. Indeed, the thought that some readers might misunderstand him troubles his honest heart considerably:

That an Obama presidency would cause such complications in our dealings with the Islamic world is not likely to be a major factor with American voters, and the implication is not that it should be.

Obviously not. I mean, how could it be? Luttwak has simply pointed out that the Muslim world is more or less united in its belief that Obama's "conversion" is a greater crime than the wholesale murder of which they might accuse, say, George W. Bush. If you're the sort of hysteric who sees this as a reason to vote against Obama, that's hardly Luttwak's fault, whose sole concern is stringent accuracy (cf. his luminous observation that "war brings peace only after passing a culminating phase of violence").

As for those who are inclined to see this pseudoscholarly Muslim-baiting pig-ignorance as a low-water mark in campaign rhetoric, I can only remind you that the New York Times has plenty of blank space to fill between now and November.

(Image via Raw Story.)