The Flea's Waltz

From the anti-Parnassus of his padded cell at WND headquarters, Bob Unruh is proposing that “separation of church and state” should be reinterpreted to mean that federal courts can't rule on cases relating to the separation of church and state. This is in support of a bit of grandstanding by the Louisiana state legislature, which recently issued this toothless challenge to federal lawmakers:

Whereas, the Louisiana Legislature recognizes that this is the season to give gifts and be charitable and an integral part of the season is the inclusion and acknowledgment of Jesus Christ, therefore, be it resolved that the Legislature of Louisiana memorializes the Congress of the United States to adopt the Constitution Restoration Act, thereby reducing the caseload of our federal courts by removing from their jurisdiction any and all cases involving the acknowledgment of God as the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government as authorized by Article III, Section 2, of the United States Constitution.

Aficionados of nightmare illogic, preening pharisaism, and low-grade delirium may want to read the full document. Here’s my favorite part:

WHEREAS, Chief Justice Rehnquist in the Texas case referred to the duplicity of the United States Supreme Court in telling local governments in America that they may not display the Ten Commandments in public buildings in their communities while at the same time allowing these same Ten Commandments to be presented on these specific places on the building housing the United States Supreme Court stating, "Since 1935, Moses has stood holding two tablets that reveal portions of the Ten Commandments written in Hebrew, among other lawgivers in the south frieze.

The “other lawgivers” on the south frieze include heathens like Confucius, Solon, and Draco, all of whom are wailing in Hell as we speak. And the north frieze includes – wait for it – the archfiend Mohammed. If any state courthouses want to follow the Supreme Court’s lead in this regard, it's no skin off my nose.

Most of Unruh's article simply transcribes a somniloquy by retired judge Darrell White, which climaxes in this rapturous kerygma:

"Wouldn't it be like God for Hillary Clinton to grab onto this and say, 'I can get some mileage out of this,' or have Obama whatever-his-name-is say, 'I'm going to do this,'" White told WND.

Yes, that’s just what we're missing in this country: a truly bipartisan commitment to idolatry, cynicism, narcissism, and faux-spiritual busywork. (Well, that and a return to sensible names for colored folk, like "Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown.")

Now, let's put aside all this foolishness, and consider the delicate science of flea-training, as set forth by a nineteenth-century adept:

They are placed in a reversed position to each other - one looking one way, the other another way. Thus tied, they are placed in a sort of arena on the top of the musical box; at one end of the box sits an orchestra composed of fleas, each tied to its seat, and having the resemblance of some musical instrument tied on the foremost of their legs.

The box is made to play, the exhibitor touches each of the musicians with a bit of stick, and they all begin waving their hands about, as performing an elaborate piece of music. The fleas tied to the gold paper feel the jarring of the box below them, and begin to run round and round as fast as their little legs will carry them.

This is called the Flea's Waltz.