Friday, September 09, 2005

Disaster Action Kids

Hey kids, you know what's fun? Disasters!

Welcome to FEMA for Kids! I'm Herman, the spokescrab for the site. This site teaches you how to be prepared for disasters and prevent disaster damage. You can also learn what causes disasters, play games, read stories and become a Disaster Action Kid. And don't forget to learn about FEMA. A story about my search for a disaster-proof shell is great reading, too!
Why would anyone want to be a Disaster Action Kid, you ask? Because they're awesomely outrageous, that's why!
Being a Disaster Action Kid is Fun! Disaster Action Kids are prepared!
Disaster Action Kids are also precocious and discerning patrons of the arts, who eschew flashy computer games, blockbuster movies, and solvent-huffing in favor of elegant, educational cartoons like this:

As you can see, FEMA spares no expense when it comes to meeting the entertainment needs of Disaster Action Kids. That's something to bear in mind the next time you hear someone calling them a gaggle of negligent monsters.

If you're a child, sign up with FEMA this instant, or I swear to God I'll give you something serious to cry about. If you're a parent, it's your patriotic duty to sign your indolent, sullen child up right now! And be sure to ask about the "Halliburton Helper" program for freedom-loving teens who've taken Herman the Spokescrab's "Stay In Your Shell" abstinence pledge!

1 comment:

Eli said...

Sweet Jesus.

Please tell me someone hacked the FEMA website...